5 Times My Cat Had a Better Weekend Than Me

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📸 5 Times My Cat Had a Better Weekend Than Me

I spent this weekend debugging a scheduled query that kept silently failing at 3am. My cat spent this weekend doing the following five things, each of which objectively sounds more relaxing than my weekend.

1. 🛋️ The 6-Hour Sunbeam Nap

She found the one patch of sunlight that moves across the living room floor over the course of the afternoon, and instead of moving when it moved, she just... stretched. Repeatedly. For six hours. I checked.

2. 🥡 The Great Takeout Box Heist

An empty takeout container, left unattended for exactly four seconds, became her personal fortress for the rest of the evening. She didn't eat anything from it — there was nothing left to eat — she simply wanted to sit inside a box slightly too small for her, looking extremely pleased about it.

3. 🪟 Three Hours of Bird-Watching Television

There's a tree outside my window that occasionally has birds in it. My cat can watch this tree, completely motionless except for the tail, for longer than I've ever focused on anything in my life, work included.

4. 🧶 Destroying (and Then Ignoring) a Brand New Toy

I bought her an actual toy. She played with the box it came in for approximately 90 seconds, batted the toy itself once, and then walked away, never to acknowledge its existence again. The toy remains untouched. The box has since been recycled, against her wishes.

5. 🍽️ The 2am Zoomies

At exactly 2:03am, for no identifiable reason, she sprinted the full length of the hallway four times, knocked a water bottle off the nightstand, and then immediately returned to sleep as if nothing had happened. I, meanwhile, was awake for the next hour wondering what she'd seen.

🐾 The Real Takeaway

I don't think I'm actually jealous of a nap schedule built entirely around sunbeams and unprovoked 2am sprints — but there's something to be said for an entire weekend spent exactly where she wanted to be, doing exactly what she wanted to do, with zero deadlines involved.

🔗 Related Posts

  • My Cat vs. The Tissue Box – A Short Film
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